Nearly a year's worth of hard work summarized into 36x40 inches. In less than 48 hours time.

Within the hour's wait for printing, I spawned an ingenuous idea to hop over to Kith cafe for dinner. Torned between the choice of pasta or sandwich, I choose the latter - Grilled eggplant sandwich with spinach, brie, white truffle oil on multigrain bread. While I enjoyed the sandwich at that moment, on hindsight I now think it was a seriously overpriced and underwhelming sandwich. giant steaks of eggplant had so much potential; unfortunately it was undergrilled and tough. One of my two slices of bread was beyond toasted and thus dry. They could be more generous with the spinach and tomato slices too, although they were generous with chunks of creamy brie. This is the reason why I seldom eat out. Maybe I should have stuck with the king prawn linguine and be less angsty about the less than worthy meal.

0 The truth hurts

Today was quite an interesting day - medically. I had a chest X-ray and ultrasound scan for the liver at Gleneagles. It was my first experience with ultrasound and there is nothing frightening about it; not that I was apprehensive in the first place. The nurse would rub some gel on the body part that is to be scanned (the abdomen in my case). You'd lie down on the bed and she'll use a handheld device to roll over different areas, asking you to breath in and out. Since the nurse was rubbing the abdominal area, some instances provoked a ticklish sensation and I had to use my utmost restrain not to burst out laughing. The results for both the X-ray and ultrasound were good; no abnormal growths detected in both areas except for "mild scoliosis," a condition I had since secondary school.

The results for the blood test was also out and my vitals were mostly within the reference range, including glucose, HDL, LDL, protein, and the minerals such as calcium and haemoglobin. However, my potassium was slightly above normal, as was my polymorph count. Nothing too out of the range though, so no cause for worry.

I guess I should be happy and relieved that I have been given a clean bill of health - internally. However, the most significant problem remains, which is the condition of being grossly underweight. I shall not hide it any longer; as much as I hate to face it, I have to acknowledge that my present weight, 29.9 kg, is horrifyingly scary and in fact, I should actually be warded already. I don't know why the weight keeps dropping. It is evident that Ensure, calcium pills and protein powders, which I have been taking for years, have not help alleviate the decline. Sometimes I secretly and morbidly wish that I actually had a medical condition, maybe not so serious as cancer but an hitherto undiagnosed disease, which I can blame for my underweight condition. But no; as the results indicate, I'm okay and the issue likely lies with the diet and portion sizes.

No pain no gain. Success stories about how obese/overweight people shed those pounds by eliminating their favourite fatty foods with healthier alternatives. It was hard for them, but with determination and discipline, they did it. Does that mean I have to give up my favorite foods (incidentally low calorie-type like pumpkin, sweet potatoes, veggies, fruits) for for higher calorie "denser" foods? After all there's so much volume of food one can consume a day and it makes better sense in terms of comfort to consume less of something high-calorie, than a huge quantity of something low-calorie.

Which brings me no my next point. Should I do calorie counting? It's a pain-in-the-ass and time-consuming but at least it gives a precise, systematic approach in tracking my intake, perhaps vital at this point. Otherwise I'd rely on my [non-existent] appetite cues which makes it very vulnerable to relapse. Currently I'm not counting calories (to think of it I have never really done so), but rather weighing portions as a form of tracking, like 32g buckwheat flakes for breakfast. I suppose maybe this method is easier (as no need to convert to calories) and I should stick to it.

In short, I know I need to gain weight and I really want to gain weight. I think my fear is the discomfort experienced in the process - bloatedness, fullness, having to constantly eat 24/7. But I must remind myself that the end result of better health will be worth all the pain. What I need to do now is to create baby goals and start an action plan. So here goes:

Goal: +1 kg in 1 month

Action (to be reviewed in one week i.e. next Thurs):

Drink Ensure/Ensure Plus at least every alternate day

Do 35g oats for breakfast (up from 32g)

Do 95g brown rice for lunch/dinner (up from 90g)

Do larger portion of protein

Four feasible steps that I can manage. I'd better not set too many or I know I'd just end up not following any. Although the changes seem negligible, I cannot make stark changes or the refeeding syndrome may kick in (or am I just making excuses again).

Today I also made baba ghanoush/ghanouj (roasted eggplant dip) for the first time. I will be posting the recipe soon! And thoughts of Cambodian fish amok are swirling around in my mind as I think of ways to use up all that coconut flesh from the young coconuts.

8 Boo to moo: vegetarian moussaka

When you are carte blanche, what will you do? For me, cooking is a form of relaxation, a practice of science, and an expression of creativity all at the same time. Even before the exams ended, my hands have been itching to cook up a storm. I set out to conquer the moussaka today, my most ambitious culinary endevour to date. It is a Mediterranean (Greek?) dish and typically consists of eggplants, ground meat, tomatoes & vegetables and topped with a white sauce. Although I knew moussaka is time-consuming, still, I totally underestimated the the recipe. But the toil and effort is absolutely worth every vegetable peel. And to set another record, I have incorporated real butter and cheese into the recipe, and not the vegan forms, for the richness of 'authentic' moussaka. A little goes a long way, although I doubt they'll become staples in my diet anytime soon.

Be prepared for a wealth of ingredients and instructions.

Vegetarian Moussaka (serves 4-6)

A colorful mix of golden potatoes, purple sweet potatoes and orange chickpeas take the place of meat. The bechamel sauce is lightened with the use of soy milk, but with the complexity of flavours going on, you won't miss the richness!

Ingredients

"The Layers"

1 tbsp salt

1 eggplant (globe), peeled and thinly sliced

2 tbsp olive oil

1 small potato, peeled and thinly sliced

1 purple sweet potato, peeled and thinly sliced

"The Sauce"

1/2 yellow onion, diced

1 clove garlic, minced

1/2 tbsp red wine vinegar (I subbed with raspberry balsamic vinegar)

1/2 tbsp lemon juice

1 cup chopped tomatoes (Waitrose chopped tomatoes with chopped herbs)

1 cup cooked chickpeas, skins removed and roughly chopped (Waitrose chickpeas in water)

1/2 tsp dried oregano

1/2 tsp onion powder

1/2 tsp garlic powder (I subbed 1 tsp chicken seasoning for the onion & garlic powder)

1/4 tsp cumin

2 tbsp black olives, minced

1 cup fresh arugula

2 tbsp fresh basil

"Bechamel topping"

2 tbsp butter (Lurpak)

3/4 cup non-dairy milk (Silk soy, unsweetened)

1 tbsp flour (Bob's Red Mill spelt flour)

Generous sprinkle of nutmeg

1 egg white, beatened

Ground black pepper

1/4 cup mozzarella, shredded

Directions
"Pre-preparations"
1. Preheat oven to 375 F (180 C).
2. Grease a baking dish (6.75" x 10") with olive oil.
3. Place eggplant slices on kitchen tissues and generously rub with salt to draw out moisture. Let sit for 30 min.
4. Glaze potatoes & sweet potato slices with 1/2 tbsp olive oil. Bake for 10 min.

"The Sauce"
5. Heat 1/2 tbsp oilive oil in a large pot over medium heat. Saute onion for 3-5 min until translucent. 6. Add in garlic and cook 30s until fragrant.
7. Add red wine vinegar, lemon juice, tomatoes, chickpeas, oregano, onion & garlic powder and cumin.
8. Bring to boil, cover, reduce heat to low and simmer for 15 min.

9. Meanwhile, heat 1/2 tbsp olive oil in skillet over medium heat. Brown eggplant slices, about 2-3 min each side. Set aside.

"Assembly"
10. Line casserole according to the following layers: 1/2 of eggplant, 1/2 potato mixture, 1/2 basil, arugula & olives, 1/2 sauce. Repeat (it should be enough to make two of such layers).
11. Bake for 25 min.

"Bechamel Topping"
11. Melt butter in saucepan over medium heat.
12. Add milk & flour. Whisk well to combine. 13. Bring to slow boil until thickened and reduced.
13. Season with nutmeg and black pepper.
14. Cool 5 min, then whisk in egg whites.
15. After moussaka has baked 25 min, remove, pour cream mix on top.
16. Top with mozzarella and bake another 15-20 min.

This seemingly endless recipe left me all sweaty and hungry after 3 hours, yes 3 hours in the oven-like kitchen. I started at 12 and ended about 3+. After quickly snapping some (mandatory) photos, I couldn't wait to see how it turned out.... it was a flavour bomb! I can't really tease out the taste of each ingredients; no one flavor dominated, but they melded to form a harmonious new blend of je nai se quoi. I believe the only other time I had moussaka was at Whole Foods in London, and this is quite comparable, if not better, since I get mine piping hot (at Whole Foods it was served chilled I think).